


The Tale of the Wayward Son

by cathouse_mary



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Ascendancy Trilogy - Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Gen, I am 100 percent that writer, M/M, Multi, Polycules, Thranto, many relationships, smut of all flavors, tharlani
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:54:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathouse_mary/pseuds/cathouse_mary
Summary: What if Eli never joined the Empire and what if Thrawn never left the Ascendancy?
Relationships: Ar'alani/Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo, Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 43
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

The Tale of the Wayward Son

Eli never let his parents know. 

He did all the typical things a Lysatran boy did. Dated girls, played smashball, got in just enough of the same trouble as his peers did. All of it carefully calculated to keep parental attention off him. When he was sixteen and got his navigator's license, he kept up the appearances because all these people knew his parents. Then, on his first solo run to Tsivor, Eli puts on a hat, dark glasses, and buys a flimsiprint magazine, hustling back to the freighter and into his bunk.

Turning the pages, mouth dry and cock hard enough to drive rivets, Eli lets his gaze linger on the forms, bodies, ideas he'd only seen in his most fevered wet dreams. Then he jerks off three times in the next three hours. His balls feel as if they've been used for a speed bag, but for the first time since puberty, Eli sleeps like a baby. Before he leaves Tsivor, the magazine goes into the mass converter, the memory goes in the spank tank, and he heads back to Lysatra secure in his secret. This becomes his standard procedure and he tells himself that until he has his own ship, or maybe until he joins the Imperial Navy, that this is the way it's going to be. 

Until the pirates. 

He's decided to stay in the family business, and at seventeen he buys the Corellian armored YT-class freighter  _ Wayward Son _ . The Junden route is too profitable to give up, but increasing piracy is more than an issue - it's becoming a hazard. It's not any of the usual suspects, either. Eli maps the reported incidents, aware that he's missing data and hard numbers, but he plots a course he thinks ought to be safe. The Junden Ringer Approach is out of the question, and Eli's best course skirts the Unknown Regions with two extra jumps. It ought to be fine.

It's not fine. 

Eli exits the first of the extra jumps and is immediately under fire from two vessels that do not look like any pirate vessels he's ever heard of. He responds with fire from his own lasers, but this isn't a simulator - and the ships move faster than he's ever seen. They take out his insystem drive, leaving him with his maneuvering engines and possibly damage to his hyperdrive. The lurch of a tractor beam locking on almost makes him throw up as he grabs a heavy blaster from under the helm.

When another ship drops out of hyperspace, Eli figures that he's done for. It's huge, bristling with weaponry and the two pirates immediately turn their attention to it, moving into a defensive formation and dropping their tractor beam. The new ship is maybe not a pirate, but not anything to sit in front of, either. Eli's only thought is to get the fuck out of the way, maneuvering to a safe spot with a small moon behind him, and to try and reboot the insystem drive.

It's fast, and it is brutal, and it doesn't go the pirates' way. The two ships self-destruct before the boarding shuttles can reach them. Then the  _ Wayward Son _ lurches under another tractor beam, this time being drawn toward the warship. That's a little rude, but Eli hails them first in Basic, then in Meese Caulf, and then in Sy Bisti when there's no reply.

"This is the Lysatran independent freighter Wayward Son. Captain Eli Vanto hailing unknown ship." Eli takes a good look at the weapons emplacements pointed at him. "I'm not a pirate or a smuggler. I'm a cargo vessel bound for the Junden system, port of Duasti on Junden Prime."

"Be calm, Captain Eli'van'to. This is the Chiss Expansionary Defense Force cruiser  _ Nightdragon _ , preparing to take you onboard." 

The voice is deep and the Sy Bisti textbook perfect, though his name is oddly broken up, but Chiss? 

Come on. Really.

"Vanto to cruiser - the Chiss are a myth used to scare naughty children. Pull the other one."

The next communication is, "Myth? Explain." The tone is still devoid of affect, but he sounds slightly surprised or suspicious.

"Uhm. Well, a legend or story."

"Ah. I assure you, we are not fictional. Now power down or be powered down, Captain Vanto - it is your choice." 

That voice has a lot of durasteel in it and Eli hesitates, mastering a 'you are not the boss of me' impulse. Anything that big with that much firepower is indeed the boss of him and his ship has taken enough damage.

" _ Nightdragon _ , I am powering down."

The tractor beam draws the  _ Wayward Son _ into a hangar bay with what look to be impounded ships, most of them unfamiliar models, and sets him gently on the deck. The huge blast doors cutting off the stars makes him wonder if he just should have run. Eli watches the pressure indicator on his heads-up display, waiting until it reaches one standard atmosphere. When the pressure adjusts, a small blast door at one end of the bay opens and…

Those are Chiss - one man in black and one woman in white and moving as if the last thing you'd do in life would be to pick a fight with either one. Black hair, blue skin, and glowing red eyes, but with human-type bodies and tall. The woman wears a white tunic and trousers with black boots, while the man is armed and in something that looks like a peace-keeper's tactical gear. They are alone, no other weapons evident, and they stop to look up at the cockpit. From the blinking and discussion between them, they might not have seen a human before - that's fair because until now he didn't think that there were really any Chiss, either.

The male raises a comlink, "Captain Eli'van'to of the freighter  _ Wayward Son _ , I am Senior Commander Myth'raw'nuruodo of the  _ Nightdragon _ . Open your boarding ramp. You have entered Chiss space, and on the orders of the admiralty, we will search your vessel and person." 

Eli had the entirely inappropriate thought that if that big fellow wanted to search him, he would cooperate. Gladly. Then he booted the thought right out of his head. Nope. Fly casual. Normal. These are legends come to life, and if anything else is true about them then they might actually be able to do magic and read minds.

"Leave the weapon, Captain Eli'van'to." The woman speaks, "We mean you no injury, but it would be inadvisable to test us."

Spooked, Eli sets the weapon down and leaves the cockpit. He's pretty sure they couldn't see it from that angle. He lets the boarding ramp down, heart hammering in his chest. Is he being rescued or captured?

~

Ar'alani thinks that this Eli'van'to cannot possibly be fully-grown - yes, they have the sky-walkers, but they don't run the ship by themselves! He's twitchy, but Ar'alani puts that down to meeting two representatives of a people that he thought were granny-tales. She and Thrawn flank him, each firmly taking an arm and walking him away from the ship. When he tries to drag his feet and verbally backpedal, Thrawn simply looks at him - and the boy settles. 

Once the blast doors shut behind them, putting the ship out of sight, Thrawn comms the search team and tells them to get started. It's always chancy, trying to predict pirates, but this time they got a payout. Unfortunately, as Thrawn pointed out, pirates and smugglers generally do not self-destruct on discovery. This now argues for something more sinister than piracy. While she does not think this open-faced child is one of them, he might have some intelligence on the actors - she can't think of another reason for him to have blundered into the edge of CEDF territory.

They bring him to an interrogation room and sit him down. His infrared signature is all over the place. It's like trying to read a flip-ball arcade game. However, one thing is clear; every time he glances at Thrawn the tips of his ears and his cheeks light up. Not that Ar'alani can blame him - Thrawn is a good place to rest the eyes. It's when he opens his mouth that one has to watch out. He's brilliant, but he's also that idiot hair that will not stay in place. 

"You understand that you are not accused of wrongdoing, but that you have intruded on Chiss space," Thrawn begins. "We would know how you came to be here."

"Well, as I said, I have a cargo bound for the Junden system - to the port of Duasti on Junden Prime." He takes a device similar to a questis out of its holster and keys up the route. "It's too profitable for me to drop, even with pirates, so I plotted a different approach." 

Thrawn shakes his head. "Dangerous, Eli'van'to. Your people know little of the Chaos. You came very close to some serious variations that could have ended your life."

The tips of the boy's ears all but glow. "I know that the Unknown Regions have some wild anomalies, but these two systems seemed stable, and even if it's more roundabout-" Eli'van'to keys up an expanded map. "These are all the reported attacks that I've been able to gather, and you can see that they're steering clear of this area. So I figured that this might be a safer route."

Thrawn leans over the boy's shoulder and for a moment Ar'alani is afraid Eli'van'to's ears may burst into flames. Count on Thrawn to miss it with his focus on the information in front of him. Her old and dear one occasionally has to be forcibly introduced to the obvious. However, the data is certainly showing an incursion into human space.

"Explain your data." Ar'alani opens a tab in her own questis, fitting the boy's mapping against their own, nestling the graphic against CEDF territory. 

"Blue is a ship gone missing - ship's arrival data's available daily from the Insurer's Guild - the yellow is a ship overdue. Green is on-time arrivals." Eli taps each one. "Red is a reported pirate attack, orange is an action against pirates or smugglers - available from a few different sources. I graphed the data when I was plotting my course and though I didn't have everything I needed, I thought I had enough."

"Why did you include on-time arrivals," Ar'alani inquires, "Instead of looking only at the anomalies of schedule and actions?"

"Because the on-time arrivals indicate a captain chose a safer course," Thrawn murmurs. "Freighters in the far reaches act more like public transport than anything else."

Eli'van'to lights up, a broad smile breaking across his face. "Right! Just about every freighter company or combine out here uses the same courses on their routes. Hold up." He removes the actions and enlarges the graphic to show tags attached to the missing, late, and on-time designations. "You can pull a tag and see the course that they filed with the Insurance Guild. If the guild feels the course is too dangerous, they won't insure."

"Your data doesn't show military actions - only local system authorities." Thrawn observes, tapping up the enforcement actions by placing a hand on Eli'van'to's shoulder and leaning over him - causing a miniature light show. 

"Uhm. Right. The Empire doesn't really tell us what it's doing. Out this far from galactic center, I don't think it's much unless something interferes with their supply chain." The boy seems about to take issue with Thrawn tapping as he pleases, but then shows at least some sense of self-preservation and reconsiders. "So I admit that I was working from incomplete data, and I am sorry that I jumped into your territory, but really - I'm just a freighter captain out on business."

Ar'alani considers this. "Nonetheless, we need to search you, and your ship, and make sure that you are not a threat. Additionally, the damage to your ship may preclude us permitting you to leave."

Almost all the heat goes out of the boy's face. Shock? Anxiety? Maybe a little of both.

"Your insystem drive was damaged, a section of your hull plating took enemy fire." Thrawn interrupts. "We have an obligation to be sure that you leave our ship and do not immediately die."

"I'm much obliged, but I'll need to contact someone to let them know I'm late." Eli'van'to's knuckles whiten as he clenches his hands. "And some of that cargo is perishables - I need to power up those units."

"We will power your systems grid and preserve your cargo, Captain." Ar'alani soothes. "But you will be our guest for some time longer." 

Thrawn folds a bunk down from the wall. "Your meals will be brought to you, the sanitary unit is in that alcove, and we will have another shipsuit brought to you." 

The boy blinks at them and then says, "What?"

Ar'alani sighs, "Your clothing and boots. You will give them to us and we will search and analyze them." 

Thrawn leans in and slips the boy's questis out from under his fingers. "Kit off. We'll return it to you." 

From there, there's another light show. Eli'van'to seems to be unsure which is worse, nakedness or having his questis in someone else's hands. His ears should be smoking by now and the blazing signature on his cheeks makes her worry for his health.

Ar'alani attempts to lighten the tense moment. "It will be fine, Eli'van'to. You have nothing that I or Senior Captain Thrawn have not seen before."

She is therefore perplexed when no, that does not make it better. In fact, it occasions a bout of minor hysterics.

"Perhaps they have some kind of body taboos, Admiral." Thrawn murmurs in Cheunh. "If we keep pushing, he could have some kind of circulatory event."

"Do you think? I think that at least part of it is some kind of cultural issue." Or not knowing how to move forward when handling an attraction. "Male modesty? We could turn our backs and then have medical give him the full body scan."

The humans are thin-skinned and warm blooded. Even when a Chiss is mortally embarrassed or wildly aroused, that heat only shows in the tips of the ears and the flecking on the cheeks. Well, with clothing on, that is. Eli'van'to - were he a Chiss - would be about to keel over. 

"Eli'van'to. We will turn our backs to preserve your modesty." Thrawn advises, then adds because that chaotic operating braincell wants to see that it takes to make Eli'van'to keel over. "Do not attempt to hide any contraband by swallowing it, no should you attempt to insert it in your rectum. We'll still find it."

Eli'van'to takes off his boots, ears almost purple and glowing white hot to infrared vision, then turns his back and proceeds to undress. The blush extends almost to his shoulders as he kits off and remains in a set of black underwear, much like those issued in the CEDF. Ar'alani exchanges a look with Thrawn, trying to decide to order him out of his blacks. Thrawn shrugs almost imperceptibly, willing as always to follow her lead.

"I'll get a shipsuit, Admiral, then we can take him for that scan."

Ar'alani nods, directing her XO, "Do so. He's so delicate that I'm afraid we might break him. I'll tell Senior Captain Wutroow and Junior Captain Samakro that we'll be a little longer."

Thrawn leaves and Ar'alani is somewhat at a loss for what to say and "So, my first officer turns you on like a searchlight?" doesn't seem like a good conversation starter.

Instead she comms Wutroow telling her that interrogation is taking a little longer as the human pilot is very young, exceptionally modest and… rather delicate. Big brown eyes like a Sarrac pup, too. Ar'alani can all but feel the vibrations of curiosity and assures that she and Thrawn will escort the youth to medical for a scan. Samakro comms Ar'alani with the news that the ship passes a hull integrity test, but that the hyperdrive needs a new motivator and the insystem drive needs a new core - the old one cracked and vented to space.

"If we have one from impound, use that. I don't want to send him back with any of our technology." 

"Yes, Admiral." A pause. "We also found enough pornography hidden that there's some question if he's smuggling it - or just your average unlaid new-adult male."

"Be nice and put it back where you found it." Ar'alani chides. "We're worried about a circulatory event here."

"That circulatory event is probably an erection, Admiral. Just keep him from climbing Thrawn and everything ought to be fine." 

There is no actual evidence that her three most senior officers are hopping in and out of each other's bunks like minkis in mating season. They are exemplary officers - as long as she keeps them on the chain - but off-duty they snipe, squabble, and fight like snow-tooka littermates. 

"What about the rest of the cargo?" 

"Most of it's something called bac'ta - a medical substance from the symbols." Samakro replied. "The rest are perishables. We repowered all the cubes, so none were without power for more than fifteen minutes."

"Good. We don't want him wishing he was caught by the actors." To Eli'van'to she addressed a question. "What is bac'ta?

Eli'van'to almost turns around and then remembers he's in his blacks. "Um. It's a medical substance,  _ maam _ . Heals wounds and broken bones when applied externally, it can also be infused to stop internal bleeding, and can even be used against bacterial, viral, and fungal infections."

Interesting. "Thank you Eli'van'to."

Thrawn comes back with the shipsuit - the smallest size the quartermaster had, aside from those given to the navigators. 

"We're collecting some of the wreckage now, Admiral. Forensics will have some answers if we have time to wait for them." Then he lowers his voice. "The ice bear is awake."

"How fortunate for me that I do not need to outrun Supreme General Ba'kif, Senior Captain, I merely have to outrun you."   


"Yes, Admiral, and if you throw me to the ice bear, I will grab you by the ankles and take you with me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli among the Chiss is becoming very confused.

He has no idea what the Chiss were saying to each other, but they hand him a shipsuit just a little too big and a pair of slippers. While they talk and he changes, Eli gives his cock a ferocious pinch to get it to go the hell down. His balls complain mightily and he's worried that he might have spoiled himself with porn and too much jerking off. The man is just- 

Eli can't even with him because the blood he needs to run his brain just wants to go right to an erection.

There's also the possibility that the lady - the man's commanding officer - is. Wait. He's a home team player, right?

Never mind. 

The shipsuit on, they take him out of his cell and on a walk through low-light corridors that has Eli wondering how big this ship really is. He's seen capital-class ships all his life, but this is an actual warship. They take him to a room in what appears to be a hospital deck, leading him to another female Chiss - hair partly silver - who looks startled, then comes in for a close look. They speak in Chiss, and Eli is itching to know what they're saying. Suddenly, he's on a table to be poked, prodded, have blood drawn, and is handed a cup with mimed (and embarrassing) directions. 

His blush occasions alarm and causes more talking among the three, with tones of concern from all of them. It's possible that they don't know what a blush is. The scan table is made for people much longer and wider than Eli Vanto, that's for certain, and he lies down on it without argument. He has nothing to hide, and he does understand that this far outside of civilization, such cautions might be necessary. Pirates didn't normally blow themselves up, from what he's heard.

Eli studies them covertly. Mythrawnuruodo is a darker blue, Aralani a lighter blue and each have slightly different colored freckling on their cheeks. Both are equally tall. The tales tell of confidence, and that's evident, but they don't seem to be sorcerers, though now and then they seem to be mind readers. All of the tales he knows carry the warning of the race as implacable in war and betrayal, dismissive of liars and unwilling to suffer fools. 

_ So don't be any of those things, Eli.  _

Mythrawnuruodo and his commanding officer consult with the medic, who seems to be giving the all-clear. Aralani looks over at him, nodding. 

"All is well, Eli'van'to."

"May I go now, ma'am?" His parents watch those Insurance Guild boards. "My parents keep a close eye on the on-time arrivals."

"As soon as your device is analyzed, yes. Do not be anxious, Eli'van'to."

He's anxious, not because of his data - they can have that. There's just more porn on his datapad in a file marked 'Manifests.' Soberly, he considers that he might have really been jerking off too much. How would he even start explaining that. Then he remembers all the flimsi magazines under the mattress of his bunk. The blush sends the Chiss into a literal tizzy and ends with him in a medical bunk. He's spooking the hell out of them and during this time two more arrive for a five-way consultation during which a second male gives Eli some very knowing looks and seems to be explaining things to the others.

"Aaah." Aralani and Mythrawnuruodo say, looking right at him, the exhalation starting high and going low. Apparently getting a clue sounds are universal. 

And that means…

Eli's afraid he's going to stroke out or catch his hair on fire. With all the dignity he can muster, he pulls the blanket over his head. The Chiss at least do not laugh in his face, but they are laughing and conversing in their own language. He dares a peek from under the blanket, finding that perhaps the Chiss do indeed blush. Aralani is the one facing him, a slightly purple-blue stroke of color along her cheeks, the freckles standing out iridescent against her skin. 

When she speaks her voice is terribly dry. "Eli'van'to."

Oh, no.

"You understand that Chiss are very like humans in form and function."

No. Nonono. 

"You are a subadult or new adult male. I assure you that…" She turns to the other Chiss and asks a question that seems to befuddle them and they have no answers to what she'd asked. She starts again saying, "Chiss also find sexual release in the hand of oneself."

Don'tthinkaboutthatdon'tthinkaboutthat…

"Cultural taboos against the hand of oneself?" Mythrawnuruodo conjectures. "That doesn't make sense."

"Cultural taboos rarely do. In this case also the male who has sexuality with male." The second male replies, the corners of his lips tipped up in a slight smile. "Am I correct in my guess, Eli'van'to?"

"I think I'm gonna die." Because honestly, he's so embarrassed his balls are trying to crawl up inside of him. 

"No person that is known of has ever been made dead of embarrassment." Aralani speaks with authority. "Perhaps wanting to die of embarrassment, but that is mostly for family."

The others murmur in agreement. 

Okay, Eli. Come clean.

Just as he opens his mouth, Aralani's comm chimes and when she answers, her lips press together before she says, "Thrawn, si'che'keo."

Mythrawnuruodo goes to attention, then nods at the other two Chiss and issues an instruction that makes them go to attention. The two then move toward him as Aralani and - maybe his name is Thrawn - leave in a hurry. The blanket is pulled down and both take him by the arms.

"Come Eli'van'to. I am Wutroow and this all-smiles is Samkaro. We will put you away from the curious eyes, hm?" The lady Chiss is not much taller than he is, with a head of curls raked back in a poofy tail. "Nobody to make more fire-face than already, yes?"

Her Sy Bisti is understandable, but accented differently than both Thrawn's and Aralani's. Eli is marched through the corridors, eyed curiously by the few Chiss they meet. At one point, however, some curious behavior comes into play. It resembles a game of laser-tag with hiding, ducking down side corridors, and careful looks around corners. Someone is evidently looking for Eli, and the four Chiss do not want Eli to be found. After more time than it took to get to the medical bay, Eli is back in his cell but both Chiss are talking to each other in their language. 

Wutroow then says to Eli, "Have waiting here. I will bring you something for eat." She says something to Samakro which sounds like an order, then out she goes, leaving him with the almost-smiling Chiss.

Who has seen his porn. Eli blushes again. He's going to stroke out around these people.

"This." Sam pokes his cheek. "How do you not make your head explode from this? Why is it? Does it signal for mates?"

"No." Eli's face meets his palm. "It's… sometimes like that, but mostly it means that the other party should just stop talking."

"Oh, you are embarrassed by my seeing your… collection of one-hand arts." Sam's voice is too innocent to be anything other than messing with him. "I should turn it over to Thrawn and see if he will interpret them." 

Eli raises his burning face out of his palms. "You. Are messing with me. On purpose."

"I do not deny this. It is fun." Sam replies. "Also, my commanding officer asked for translate to Sy Bisti the term for-" Sam circles his thumb and forefinger and moves his hand up and down. Apparently the Chiss also share with humans the hand sign for jerking off. "This is not the strangest thing in my career, but very close."

Asshole. 

"So you're all three the same rank? You, the big one, and the lady all senior captains?" That gets him no answer at all. Apparently he's the one to answer questions.

Eli thumps down onto the bunk, arms crossed and irritated. Sam takes a seat at the table, sitting in the chair front-to-back. "Everything shows on your face. Is it because you are young or do all humans do this?"

"That's classified." Eli's riled, and he knows he oughtn't be, but he just wants to go-

Sam's com chirps and what he hears gets him on his feet. He tells the lady something and then discomms and looks at Eli. "I am not here."

Then he vanishes into the 'fresher.

Eli opens his mouth to ask just what in the hell he's talking about when the door opens to admit one damn big Chiss. He's older. The sides of his hair silvered and combed back. His height is intimidating, but it's the sheer amount of muscle and breadth that is the most imposing. Eli could fit four of himself in that uniform. He was intimidated because Thrawn's arms are as thick as his neck - now Eli's legs are the thickness of this fellow's arms. Like Aralani, he wears a white uniform, and looks about the size of a wall - but Aralani would be called petite next to him. 

Then it comes to him. The word that the four of them were saying while trying to stay out of sight. " _Chk'sero_."

The giant's mouth splits in a grin, showing very sharp teeth, and a laugh like boulders rolling down a mountain issues forth. 

"So, this is what they call me then? Ice bear? Fitting. When I catch one, I will chew their behind parts." He looks around, one eyebrow raised. "Where are your minders, human Eli'van'to?"

"Officer Wutroow said she'd be bringing me some food, Officer Thrawn left with Admiral Aralani, and I don't know where Officer Samakro went." It's the honest truth because he stepped into the fresher and just disappeared. "And it's Eli. My first name. My family name is Vanto."

Guessing from the white uniform, this meant that this big fellow was also a high ranker.

"I am Ba'kif - apparently also called Ice Bear." He makes a slight bend of the neck. "I have not met a human before, Eli. Nor have any here. You are a creature from legends."

"Really? What do your legends say about us? We have a lot of legends about the Chiss." 

Again, a Chiss non-answer. "I would be interested to hear them at some point, but I do not think that you will be our guest much longer - despite Ar'alani's wish to detain you for study."

The words 'detain' and 'study' take Eli aback. "Sir, I have to get my cargo to port and contact my family. I don't know why Ar'alani wants to keep me here."

"I will discuss such things with her." Leaving unspoken is that he will do this when he can find her. He looks around the cell, then inclines his head to Eli again. "Be well, Eli. I will make sure you are freed as soon as possible."

"Thank you, sir."

Ba'kif takes himself out and a moment after the door shuts, Sam falls from the 'fresher's ceiling, landing on his feet. "You're smarter than you look, if you pick up on what we're saying that quickly." 

"You." Eli points right at the Chiss' nose. "You are a pain in my ass."

Sam's head tilts. "Ass?" He queries. "I do not think this word was covered in our Sy Bisti classes."

Eli draws a long breath and turns his back, patting his right buttock. "This. This is an ass."

"It is very nice." Sam says, then - and Eli senses it coming - drops the bomb he's obviously been saving. "Is that considered an invitation?"

Eli feels his eyes bug out and his tongue tie itself in knots.

_ Wait. What? _


End file.
